Caesar Vitus Aurelius

Welcome my faithful minions. I'm very pleased to see all this enthusiasm and I would like to thank you all for being here.

Ok, that's about the last nice thing I'll ever say to any of you.

Now listen up. For starters, being a minion means you're always behind the eight ball...get used to it. Before you think you have a clue or a bright idea or perhaps you think you have something important to say...stop...don't go there...it'll only get you in trouble...and probably give me an aneurysm. I don't pay you to think or to be witty or clever...I just need you to do my bidding, but I know that you'll all do it wrong so I'll end up doing everything myself anyway.

For you new minions, your first goal is to disappoint me. I have no doubt you will achieve this with flying colors. Vici and Sifu are excellent minions...they disappoint me all the time...watch them...learn from them.

I will teach you many things over the course of this relationship. Many things may not interest you or even apply to you, but it's not about you...you're a minion. You may not understand the things I teach you...you're not expected to understand...you're a minion.

All you need to remember is that I'm great and you're not. You can hope to be great one day, but I'll probably kill you before that happens.

Sincerely,

Vito